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The bow performs no genuine service, but it indicates a certain kind of reliable and deferential individual: it is symbolic. It needs to be decoded, and will not be if the recipient is unfamiliar with the culture in which it occurs. Good manners are signs, signals, messages, declarations.
Third, polite behavior is self-referential in the sense that it is intended to be perceived as such: the agent wants the audience of his performance to understand that he acting politely. Moreover, I intend that my audience should recognize this intention shades of Grice : I want my audience, before whom I am symbolically acting, to grasp that I am intending to treat them politely. It is not necessarily so with moral action: here it is not essential that the recipient should grasp that the action was intended morally he may not even know that he is the beneficiary of any moral action.
Good manners thus require the ability to project good manners—to make them evident, salient. So manners require a fairly complex set of intentions as well as theatrical skill and a grasp of symbolism. Good manners are not for ignoramuses. When one person benefits another or keeps a promise or tells another the truth this is not a theatrical performance intended to symbolize something meritorious about the agent: it is the fulfillment of a duty, an act with real consequences, an instance of practical reason.
It is not a type of play-acting calculated to create a favorable impression this is not to say that agents never do this in the guise of acting morally. It is not merely good manners to give money to charity or to treat other people fairly.
This connects with two other features of manners that distinguish it from morality. By all means treat them kindly, but there is no need to worry about hurting their feelings by social snubs or snobbish behavior or even by leaving the house without saying goodbye. Good manners require the recognition of good manners, but moral behavior does not. Good manners are essentially other-directed: they concern social behavior not solitary behavior.
Again, morality is different: I do have duties to myself as one person among many, not merely to other people. Prudence may be understood as self-directed morality. When I act so as to benefit my future self I am acting rationally and morally, but it would not be rational or moral to put on a good performance to myself of consideration and respect.
I can interrupt myself in mid-sentence without incurring any self-censure regarding my manners. Now I can discuss the question of the relation between manners and morality. I suspect I am not alone in being ambivalent about the claims of proper etiquette. On the one hand, it seems like a pretty suspect sort of business: all that contrivance, self-consciousness, self-advertising, insincerity, and brand promotion.
And correct etiquette is certainly no substitute for sound morality. Just think of its associations with social rank, snobbery, the caste system, sexism, etc. Must ladies be stood up for whenever they enter a room and be deemed incapable of opening doors? Must the rude rustic be condemned as a lesser being because of his rough country manners?
The whole artifice can seem like a relic from the past that we could well do without. Away with manners! Let morality suffice to govern human interactions—doing your duty, maximizing happiness, that sort of thing. No more bowing and scraping, but plenty of helping and giving. How could it be wrong to respect the feelings and rights of other people?
They might be connected to each other but it is extremely important to be able to distinguish between them. Manners and morals may be interchangeable but for me, morals come before manners. I believe that if someone has morals and values that they strongly adhere to then their good conduct will surely follow.
Currently, morality has taken a back seat. But for me, my moral compass is always my guiding light. People think they are good humans if they behave in a certain way, adhering to societal norms. As a law student, I understand that the lines between right and wrong can get blurry, but as humans we have the responsibility to act in an ethical way with all individuals regardless of their social standing or any other characteristic.
I had that sort of instinct even while growing up and it has only gotten stronger over the years. Just having good etiquette that pleases those around you is not enough. We must go the extra mile of advocating for what is ethically right and in line with your moral compass.
In my opinion, manners are more important when compared to morals. Morals are the core values that drive what we believe is good or bad.
For example, choosing to be honest when it would be easier to tell a lie. However, manners equip us with the tools we need to survive in a social society. They guide us when forming friendships and climbing the social ladder. With that being said, not all manners are good. Poor manners could severely damage our relationships with others. On the other hand, good manners promote healthy relationships. A person holding a door open for an old woman, shows good manners, which in turn reveals our morals to the person.
I believe manners are the tool with which we reveal our morals to others. This is because both manners and morals influence each other. If we were to offer a warm meal to a person in need, it shows our morals. Treating them with respect shows our manners. However, if we were to offer them food, and treat them poorly, it will damage their outlook on us.
Should one, at all times have good etiquette? If everyone started acting destructively due to their personal moral standards, what would it result in? Is standing by your morals always the superior choice? To share your views on this topic or join future debates, write to us at readers gulfnews.
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